Everyone knows that 4 is the perfect amount of reads, so don't judge me. Or was it 5? Maybe just to be sure I'll reread for the fifth time sometime :) Why am I so emotionally drained? I donāt know whatās happening to me ā¹ I really don't know and so Iām going to reread just one day after I finished. Itās so confusing that I love this book and there are things I donāt want to love, things that honestly Iām kind of scared to be liking, things like the love triangle and the ālowkeyā cheating. Thereās always some of that in Cassandraās books and itās something that always bothered me but not in this book, I donāt think Iād go as far as saying I enjoyed them but I didnāt mind them as much as I did before, I loved the characters too much to hate them for that, Is that a bad thing? That I love these characters so much Iām ready to ignore something I believe to be wrong. The other thing is the romance, this may not be as big of an issue as the love triangle and the cheating, maybe some of you will see it as no issue at all, but for someone like me who always saw it as a secondary thing, the plot first romance second, itās weird to fall for this book, it is weird to daydream about it and it is weird to feel so muchā¦ *sigh*. I never mind the romance, I enjoy it but I donāt see it as the driving force for a book, or at least I thought so, now Iām not sure. I used to skip such scenes, blushing and mortified that maybe someone noticed what I just read even when I completely alone š. And now after reading this and rereading it, I love it? Iām not sure, as I said Iām so confused. Iām not saying itās not okay to love it, I just donāt understand why this book of all made me feel this way? Why do Iā¦ *sigh again* Thereās a knot over my chest and I donāt know how to get rid of it and I think Iām slumping. I donāt think this is the kind of reviews you guys signed up for, Iām sorry Iām not sure how to go on about it honestly. I think there are 3 questions that need answering about this book for you to know my experience reading this book and Iāll try and answer them. Octavian Blackthorn āTavvy was standing by a whiteboard with a blue dry-erase marker, making possibly helpful notations, if they could ever be translated out of seven-year-old.ā You canāt hate Tavvy, you just canāt. Julian Blackthorn I have a place I go to, a special place, itās not a secret or a hidden place but I think of it as my place, I go to it when I need to think, when I need to make sense of things, I go to it almost every day, not because I need to make sense of things every day but because itās a common place, it only becomes special when I need it to be. I guess itās not a special place exactly but a place for special things, itās a place only made special by me and the thoughts I have while Iām in there. I shared my place with only two book characters, only two characters made me want to spend an afternoon, just me alone with my thoughts, just me alone with them, thinking. Julian is whom I wish to be, I relate to him in some ways and that was more than enough for me. I want him to be happy, I want him to be hugged and be told that heās loved, I want him to see himself as I see him. He makes me want to be better, he cares for his family, heāll do anything for them and expects nothing in return. I donāt know if Iām lucky or not, if you ever felt what Iām feeling you know what Iām talking about. Have you ever loved a character so much, in one hand youāre happy that you know them and in the other hand what does your life mean if you canāt protect them? if you can only wait to see what happens to them and you canāt do anything about it, what's the point if you're going to be absolutely helpless? Maybe Iām just being overdramatic and I wonāt feel the same tomorrow but I donāt want to read anything now, not that I can anyway. Okay so this is what I wrote about Mark while I was reading, itās unedited and I should say that Mark made me feel more confusion than hate, I think this shows as you read these unedited notes. Mark is what I hate about this book heās generally what I hate about most of Casandra Clareās books. I feel sorry for what he has been through but he blames Julian for not trying to find him , Julian was 12. And no one, NO ONE has the right to say anything to Julian. āHe seemed like someone who had woken up after a hundred years of sleep, shaking the dust of a centuryās dreams from his feet. He had been terrified...ā Mark has suffered, heās hurt body and soul and I hate what happened to him, he makes me so confused, I donāt want to hate him but. āI am Julianās parabatai,ā she said. āAnd Julian needs you to stay.ā We do survive but that doesnāt mean we should inflict them voluntarily on the ones we love, and Julian already lost way too much, why is he the only one that needs to survive the losses while everyone else finds their escape. Where the plot is going. This is more of a guess but the way Iām seeing the story is going is not something I like then again what do I know, I thought I wonāt like this and look at me now. And the love shapes, I always hate those and it seems there are going to be more of those. I have to say though that both of those problems didnāt bother me much as I fell head over heels for the characters. Also why is there no female characters like Julian or Jem from TID? I always like the male characters in these books more, if there was a female Julian, my life would be perfect.
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Now I want to watch Notting Hill š
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Iā¦
*Breaths in*
donātā¦
*Breaths out*
knowā¦
*Breaths in*
whatāsā¦
*Breaths out*
happeningā¦
*Breaths in*
Why am I so emotionally invested in these characters?
Why do I feel so sad that they do not exist? And why do I want to cry because of that? And why had I cried because of that? And why, just why do they not exist?
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The reread is done and I understand more and less at the same time.
What did you love about this book?
What did you hate about this book?
What did you find unique about this book? What do you love about this book?
Two characters. While I do love all the character in various degrees, these two are love and joy and life, they are heartbreak and tears and death. They are my heart.
There are no words in this world to tell you how I feel about him, at least not words that I know of. This is terrible because I want to say so much about him but I donāt know how, so here are almost all of Tavvyās scenes in the book, there are no spoilers but I tagged them just in case you wanted to know him reading the book.
Every time his uncle calls him Andrew my heart shatters.
Only two book characters made me love them so much I hated them for being fictional.
Julian Blackthorn is one of them.
Julian is the guardian angel for the people he loves, and his love for them makes him go out of his way, heāll do wrong things to keep this family together and you can tell he hates it because heās just the purest soul. What did you hate about this book?
Mark
He is all over the place with his feelings and I hate it when a characterās feelings for another comes before his family and unfortunately that is Mark.
Granted this is not a perfect situation but everyone seems to be trying except him.
āJulian is strong,ā he said.
āJulian is strong,ā she agreed. āBut you are his brother. And if you goāI donāt know if I can pick up those pieces.ā
His eyes flicked back to her closet. āWe survive losses,ā he whispered.
The way I see the story is Julian having to make hard choices between Emma and his family, I donāt like that, itās what I hate about most characters, that they sacrifice their family for the one they love, not only do I hate it but also I donāt see Julian doing that and if he does Iād be so disappointed, itāll make all the feels he had for his siblings seem fake and that will break my heart.
Also I think I hated perfect Diego but I havenāt seen much of him to be sure.
What did you find unique about this book?Unique doesnāt necessarily mean good.
This book took me by surprise, I didnāt expect at all to fall in love with it this much probably because of the previous experiences with Shadowhunters, so my expectations werenāt high but to feel this much for a book you thought so little of, itās overwhelming.
How I didnāt mind the plot
Let me be honest for a second here, Cassandra Clareās book are less about the fantasy element and more about YA and thatās not a bad thing except that I always go into them with a fantasy mindset, that makes me focus on the plot and less about the other things and when the plot becomes predictable I lose interest but that didnāt happen with this one, this book actually restored my faith in contemporaries, recently I wasnāt in the mood for them but now I want them more and I love it more for that.
I just love some characters beyond what I thought possible, that made me ignore a lot of things just the happiness of my beloved characters, thatās all I wanted.
How I loved the romance.
As I said in the beginning, I love the romance in this book, I donāt know how to approach this and I'm blushing just thinking about it so umm I'll leave it at that.
How much I cried
Itās not that much but it happened more than I expected and this isnāt the most heartbreaking book ever. I donāt know why exactly this happened and I asked myself that so many times, at one point I believed something is wrong with me.
Other thingsHere are things that added to the entire experience.
Emma
Emma is ruthless, she doesnāt go in roundabout ways, sheās a straightforward rip off the band-aid kind of girl.
āHalf the scars Emma had on her body sheād put there herself, teaching herself to fall from the highest rafters, training herself to fight through pain by practicing barefootāon broken glass.ā
āThis is about me, not you,ā she said into the phone. Cristina gave her an encouraging thumbs-up. āI am sick of you.ā She smiled brightly as Cristina dropped her face into her hands. āSo maybe we could go back to being friends?ā
There was a click as he hung up.
That was funny, I laughed at that until Christina pointed out that in two months Emma forgot three dates with him, skipped his birthday and dumped him because it was a slow patrol night.
This what makes me conflicted about her, sheās strong and can do what others canāt but she can be cruel and harsh too.
She loves her best friend Cristina.
Sheās rebellious and hates some of the laws the Clave made and when those laws stand on her way to discover what happened to her parents she doesnāt hesitate to break them. That makes me excited to see what sheāll do when the laws stand between her and love.
Cristina
She has a past and sheās trying to forget it.
As Emma said about her āā¦ sheād always had the air of someone running from something.ā
She loves Emma, I think they even couldāve been parabatai if Emma wasnāt with Julian.
She brushed her hands through Emmaās hair, looking at her worriedly. āYou sure youāre not hurt?ā
āJulianās blood,ā Emma whispered, and Cristina made a murmuring noise and pulled Emma into a hug. She patted Emmaās back and Emma hung on to her for dear life and decided there and then that if anyone ever tried to hurt Cristina she would grind them to a pulp and make amusing sand castles out of the remains.
Dru
āDru loves horror movies,ā said Emma. āAnything with the word ābloodā or āterrorā or āpromā in it.
Dru of all the Blackthorns I want to befriend, they all have someone that can be considered their other half except for her and thatās unacceptable because sheās the best, THE BEST.
Livvy
āBooks about computers and programming languages were stacked in careful rows by her bed.ā
I thought of Kady from Illuminae right after I read that. Livvy is my girl I just wish we had more of her, I think she wouldāve been my favorite.
Ty
āOn the bedside table were his most beloved books: Arthur Conan Doyleās Sherlock Holmes stories.ā
I think Ty is a combination of me and my sister, and I canāt not love him. He and Livvy both have a half of my heart, they are both so precious.
āLivvy, who knew better than anyone the anxiety that imprecise language could cause her brother, scrambled to her feet and went over to him. She put her arms around him, her chin against his shoulder. Ty leaned against her, his eyes half-lidded...ā
The writing
The writing was beautiful, there are moments when I stopped reading and just closed my eyes and started dreaming. Thatās not always the case though, I found that some parts of the book are better written than others.
That is not to say that it was bad, just some part like the prologue and such were more beautiful than others. Maybe this is just me and how I swoon over descriptive writing (if it doesnāt drag for long which it didnāt) I think what Iām trying to say is the writing was okay with some beautiful moments
This is all I have, I'm actually tired š and this was embarrassing.
The End.